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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 7, Episode 12
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the twelfth episode of the seventh series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'RH' – Russell Howard *'DM' – David Mitchell *'BN' – Ben Norris *'MJ' – Milton Jones Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear at a Party Conference *'DM - '''Blackpool's nice, isn't it? *'HD - Unlike other party leaders, I can mention I am not a slave to the autocue. Smile, pause, applause. *'AP - '''Would you please welcome the man who's made the Conservatives an electable force again - GORDON BROWN! *'RH - 'I'm gonna turn my back for one minute, and I want whoever stole David Blunkett's dog to put it back. *'HD - 'The delegates were so impressed by Menzies Campbell's speech that they gave him a ten minute standing cremation *'MJ - 'Ah, kiss the baby, no, I'd better not, it might set my tag off. *'DM - 'Well I must say on this issue, I'm with Al-Qaeda. *'HD - '(Scottish accent) So for Scottish independence and cheaper parking, vote SNCP. *'RH - 'In an attempt to be more like Barack Obama, Gordon Brown has sensationally blacked up. *'BN - 'And I do believe we are the only party who are going to do anything about the amount of unemployed dwarves in this country, In fact, I saw one just outside holding a sign that said "No job, too small". *'HD - 'We're gonna open this BNP conference with a prayer, so if you'd all like to turn towards Mecca. Unlikely Things To Hear On a History Documentary *'RH: Now follows a documentary about the Queen Mother. Which contains nudity and strong language from the start. *'HD:' And it was here, on this exact spot that faced with thirty thousand baying frenchmen, that Henry the Fifth... shat himself. *'DM:' (scrapes throat) On the first day of the Battle of the Somme, over sixty thousand documentaries were commissionned. *'MJ:' (imitates old voice) I was in the parachute ridgement, I was dropped over occupied territory. (imitates falling) Four thousand feet, three thousand, two thousand... I pulled the cord (pulls imaginary cord)... my cagoule tightened. *'AP:' Two world wars, and one World Cup. Doo dah. *'BN:' And it was actually here, in this very tower, the princes were slaughtered, William on Red Bull and vodka and um... *'MJ:' 1547. Nostradamus predicts the rock group the Kaiser Chiefs. He also predicts a riot. *'RH:' A one-sided battle stood William of Orange. on the other side Charles of O2 and Richard of Vodafone. *'AP:' The final outcome of the Second World War has changed the world forever. So, if you don't want to know the result, look away now. *'BN:' Next: Eva Braun: The inventor of the Lady Shave. *'MJ:' So it was my job to assasinate Himmler. So I stood behind a tree and waited for his car to come around the corner. Then I lept out and said 'Boo!' Sometimes, all we had was the element of surprise. *'HD: '''Napoleon was in prison in St. Helena, which was extremely uncomfortable for her. Her hands were pointy, and he never took his boots off. *'DM:' The Loch Ness Monsters. Fact or fiction? Fiction, goodnight. *'MJ:''' (imitates old voice) Of course, during the war, I was brought up in Dorset. None of us expected the surprise Japanese attack on Poole Harbour. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See Category:Unlikely things to hear at a party conference